If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
No subtext here. People are naked.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
