i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
