Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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