: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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