I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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