the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
