omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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