Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
