Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
