nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize
