Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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