ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My first STD was from a foam party
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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