At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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