based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
