I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
