guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
