What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
