The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
