So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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