where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
