I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
