just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
