wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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