Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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