If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
