Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
