dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize