I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
