bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
