i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
