So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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