I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
