Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
