Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
