I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
