Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
