a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize