How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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