During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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