It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize