i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize