she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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