ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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