she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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