Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
