They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
