Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
