ugly people sure do ruin things
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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