overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Use "feeling words"
Yay
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize