just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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