Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize