i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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