She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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