Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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