I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
