PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize