My balls are so social today.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
