I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize