everyone is single if you try hard enough
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
