The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize