i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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