i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
