season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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