i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
