Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I think people are normalizing furries
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
