I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
