just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
