dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
